REFLECTIONS SERIES #3: “YOU LOVED ME WHEN I WAS NOT LOVABLE”. ISAIAH 66:13.

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Isaiah 66:13, “As a mother comforts her son, so will I comfort you.”

If I can compare a physical form of who God is I can say my mom can compare to YAHWEH’s love. I want to give a shout out to my mom. She  dealt with my poor actions when I was in my gambling addiction. She  raised me pretty well. I remember her working 12 hour shifts for 4 to 6 days a week. She put food on the table and a roof over my siblings and I .  She raised us with a father who was in and out of our life. My dad let the addiction of Meth get the best of him. I continue to pray for my DAD as I do have grace towards his addiction.

My mom was affected by my addiction. She seen me behind bars. Out of all the people in my life, she is the only one that hasn’t given up on me. I told her before, ” You loved me when I was not lovable” . I hurt her emotionally and financially. I lied to her multiple of times. I let her down many times . There are so many disappointments like the stars in our galaxies. Well not that much but close to lol. Despite all those tears and pain that I put her through, my mom held on. Through those three jail terms she was the main supporter and comforter.She was basically the only one visiting me consistently. She attended as much court dates as possible. She supported me with putting money in my books to go to commissary. I was able to call her because she would put money  in my phone time. Even though I didn’t deserve her support, she still gave support. Without her unconditional love and care my life would still be a mess. I can honestly say I would probably be homeless, dead or doing many years in prison at this moment. I gave up my addiction because she didn’t give up on me.

This LAST 14months behind bars was the last chance.She said that if I don’t get it this time she will give up on me. I believe it. I am thankful that she gave me this last chance to show redemption. I am thankful to God that my mom stayed with me through my addiction. MY mom just wants me to be the best father I can be for Jericho. She doesn’t expect much from me but just to be free from the gambling addiction and to do right things . She don’t need me to be a millionaire or me driving a fancy car. My mom will love me no matter what. I am determined to make her proud .

One goal that I told her is that by the end of 2020  we we’ll live in a 5 bedroom house. She deserves a nice place . We have always lived in a small home [which I am thankful for] but I will make it a committment to accomplish this. I want to retire her early. She deserves vacations and the finer things in life. Even though she is humble and isn’t materialistic, I will spoil you when the time comes.

My mom loves my son. She is always willing to help me. She was there when I was behind bars. My only communication to Jericho while I was in jail was my mom. She sent me photos of Jericho and had me on speaker when I called to talk and hear his voice. My mom sees the innocent version of me. She loves my son so much. I am grateful that her love towards Jericho is like the love she has towards me.

THANK YOU mom for all the love. You are one of my top 3 motivators for success. Thank you for not giving up on me . I remember the tears we both shared in those court dates. I knew that you wanted to save me during those times but you couldn’t. I couldn’t even save myself. But your unconditional love and God’s grace did the work. I know you want the best for me and my son. You want to leave this Earth knowing that I am there for Jericho. You deserve the best and I am motivated and will succeed because of you. I love you dearly mom.

 

-your stubborn son. James

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