This is my first post of my REFLECTION SERIES project. I will post one up every week, mostly on MONDAYS. This series will be based on my testimony and my story. The addiction to incarceration and now towards redemption. I hope you take some light from this and also obtain some grace towards people who are in an addiction or has been through the lifestyle of some sort of destructive habit. My goal is to inspire and motivate myself and other people. Thank you for your support and interest. May God bless you and redeem you from your own personal prison that is stopping you from your potential.
“Life is like a camera, you develop what you FOCUS on”.
This quote always hits home run for me. I heard this quote at a business seminar 10 years ago. I really never understood it till I went through many struggles, trials and tribulations. It makes so much sense. You focus on the negative, there will be negative results. You focus on the positive, there will be positive results. During these past 5 years my FOCUS was on the fast cash lifestyle. I became a gambling addict. I chased this false dream. I didn’t think the addiction would take a hold of me. It was a slow and progressing destruction. Like a small flame, leading to a forest fire. I added more fuel to the problem by digging myself deeper and deeper in the addiction.
Who would of thought that I would be doing jail terms? If someone 15 years ago showed me my future I would laugh and wouldn’t believe it. Addiction is very deceiving and cunning. It starts off as a habit then to a ” I gotta have it”. I remember playing poker a couple times a month at a few of my friend’s house. We just wanted to kill time and enjoy some company . It was all for fun, nothing major. Months and years of this continuous FOCUS on this habit led to an addiction.
Once I became addicted, I compromised my values and morals. My FOCUS was to chase my losses and make it a “living”. I remember making small $10 bets and being nervous, to betting thousands a hand like it was nothing. My heart and mind became numb to feelings and emotions. I was selfish and greedy. My FOCUS was on me and my own desires. I believed this false hope and lifestyle would bring me wealth. I kept digging and digging myself into a hole. This led me to do things that were unlawful because I wanted a bank roll to win my money back. I risked my freedom and my future. That was how bad my addiction was.
I lost FOCUS of what was important in my life. I was a law abiding citizen, had a job, went to school, had a clothing line and was into photography. I let go of my passion for poison. My FOCUS was for the wrong things. Because of me not being aware and letting my guard down, I ended up doing 30 months behind bars during these past 5 years. Three jail terms. It took this last jail term to change me.
My FOCUS now is redemption. I have a son name Jericho who is awesome and amazing. He keeps me FOCUSED and humble. My God YAHWEH is my support. I pray to him everyday and read HIS WORD. I will talk about my experience with my higher power in the future, but I give the same GOD that Abraham and Jacob worshiped in the OLD TESTAMENT all the glory and praise. My FOCUS is eternity and abundance. I am sick and tired of all the pain and suffering i caused. I have so much stories to tell about all the harm I have caused. A lot of people who knew me knows about my mess. This has been a humiliating journey, but there is always a perfect plan and purpose for everything. I am FOCUSED and driven. I will not fall back to my old ways. I will pay off all restitution and make amends to all people affected by my addiction. If you know anyone or is a person who was affected by my actions, I truly apologize. Please forgive me and understand that those actions were driven because of my addiction. That wasn’t the real James, it was the addicted gambling James. This James now isn’t the same James before. The FOCUS has been aligned back towards GOOD. I am doing everything to keep me accountable. This journey is a process. I have banned myself from all California Casinos and under supervision with the Sheriff. I attend Gamblers Anonymous weekly and communicate with an officer and sponsor on a regular basis. If I want true change I have to FOCUS on the steps that will keep me on the right track.
THANK YOU FOR supporting and being part of this journey with me. This blog will be updated as much as I can. I hope that you will get some wisdom from my experience. You will not have a testimony without going through a TEST. I have so much to say, but will express them through this blog. Stay plugged in with my weekly Reflections Series. If you have any questions please email me : REDEEMEDBYYHWH@gmail.com